By Joanne Liaw

Have you ever had a secret you felt ashamed of? One that you could tell no one. No one would understand you if you told them. They would shun you if they ever found out. So you keep this secret to yourself as it eats into your very soul. You feel alone and isolated. That is the sad reality of many struggling with same-sexattraction (SSA) in our church. Such individuals are afraid of being judged and tragically keep silent, move to liberal churches or leave the Christian faith. Instead of resorting to such tragic and drastic measures, what should individuals who struggle with SSA do?

1.  Break the Silence and Shame
Silence is golden, but not when it comes to dealing with the shame of SSA. Break the silence. Break the shame. For shame proliferates in the dark but dissipates in the light. That does not mean that you have to tell the whole world about your struggles with SSA. Start small. Start sharing with your close friends. Slowly, as you start to feel accepted for who you are, you can continue letting more people know about your struggles.

2.  Treat Your Church Like Family
God has given us the Church, the Body of Christ, to lovingly support us in our struggles and to keep us accountable against sin. Treat your church like family and seek the support you need. Although the church is firm in its stand against those who practice homosexuality, it extends grace, love, and support to individuals struggling with SSA. We have seminars and talks recordings that seek to help individuals struggling with SSA.

3.  Seek Pastoral Guidance and Counselling
While it’s good to share with your friends about your struggles with SSA, seeking pastoral guidance and counselling can add an essential layer of support and accountability. Pastors are God-appointed shepherds of the flock, God’s people. They are able to not only listen to your struggles but provide Gospel-centered guidance and biblical counselling. Draw and drink from their godly wisdom.

4.  Immerse Your Mind in Scripture
Read and meditate daily on the Bible. Remember that your identity is not tied up with your sexual orientation no matter how strongly you may feel for the same gender. You are a beloved child of God whose life is to be lived in submission to God’s holy Word. You are no longer enslaved by sin but you have been washed with the precious blood of Jesus.

5.  Read Books By Christian Authors Who Have First-Hand Experience of SSA Reading such books can feel very comforting. The words poured out on those pages flow from the very hands of authors who have struggled with SSA. They understand why you feel such feelings and they can guide you to Scripture on how to battle SSA.

6.  Quit the Self-Blame
Do not resort to self-blame and self-hatred as you struggle with feelings of SSA. It’s easy to beat yourself up over the attraction you feel for someone of the same gender. Temptation itself is not wrong unless you act on it in your thoughts or actions. If you are a child of God, Christ has redeemed you from the law of sin and death. Whenever you feel self-blame kicking in, bring those self-hating thoughts to Jesus Christ and lay them at the foot of the cross. Cherish theforgiveness that you have in Christ.

7.  Pray
Prayer is a reflection of our heartfelt dependence on God. Pour out your struggles with SSA before our loving Heavenly Father in prayer. Cry out to Him for help each time the shame and temptation to forsake your faith are too great. Find strength and comfort in the loving arms of Christ.