By Cassandra Chung

The twenties and thirties are turbulent ages.

Some people in this age group may be single and re-evaluating the way they relate to friends of the opposite gender while some may already be married with children on the way. Then there are those who are figuring out the ropes of their first relationship and those struggling to recover from the pain of broken relationships.

7 Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. 10 In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. — 1 John 4:7-11 (ESV)

The experiences I go through may be vastly different from my married peers but John assures us that there is a greater truth that binds us all: Christ died to take away our sin (v10) and that His love is made manifest in all of us (v9) regardless of our relationship status!

How are we to respond to this great love shown to us? John instructs us to “love one another” (v7, v11). In fact, implicit in his writing, is that loving our brothers and sisters in Christ is but a natural response to God’s love for us through Christ: he says, “whoever loves has been born of God and knows God” (v7).

At this point, it is worth asking ourselves the question “How am I to show love to my fellow brother/sister in Christ who is presently [insert relationship status here]?” Here are some pointers:-

1.      “I can’t believe you’re not married!”
Whoever said “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” clearly has never been on the receiving end of hurtful comments. Often times, the words with which we address singles can accumulate much damage. When we tell our single brothers and sisters “Who would say ‘no’ to you?” or “Aiyah, you shouldn’t have any problem finding a husband or wife!”, we imply that relationships and marriage are for those who are worthy, who have their lives together, who are perhaps “less sinful” than the other ordinary person. Well-meaning as our words may be, they are hurtful and untrue.

Ultimately, marriage points to the greater reality that is to come: the union between Christ and His church (Eph 5:25-32). Our relationship in Christ is premised on the notion of grace: we are sinners God saved through Christ (Eph 2:8-9). We were not saved because we had our lives together or because we were worthy. In fact, all of us were in the muck of our sin when God saved us through Christ (Rom 3:10-18, 5:6-8). If we really do believe these truths, our words must communicate just that.

Rather than say “You’ll definitely find someone soon enough!” to our lonely brother/sister, perhaps it would be more helpful to say “I’m sorry you feel this way. I can’t do much to help but I can offer a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and to remind you that Christ will always be enough”.

Our words also reveal our assumptions about singleness: that one simply cannot be content and single at the same time. However, the apostle Paul speaks of singleness and marriage to be of equal worth in service to Christ (1 Cor 7:1-9). Rather than helping our single brothers and sisters hunt for their significant other, we could first start by encouraging their gifts and helping them grow in their season of singleness, regardless of how long it will or has lasted. 

2.      Faith & Deeds
The Bible very explicitly states that saving faith is a faith that is accompanied by deeds (James 2:14-17). Hence, our love should be accompanied by action. Especially for expecting couples or new parents, the to-do list is long but time is little! There are a great many things we can do for our married brothers and sisters who are expecting or are still adjusting to parenthood. We could consider helping out and/or encouraging them in the following ways:-

• Actively checking up on how they’re doing on a regular basis (i.e. by dropping them a text)
• Stepping in to temporarily replace them in their service rotas
• Helping them run errands (i.e. preparing and delivering food to their home)
• Providing a safe space for married couples to share their struggles and to ask for practical advice

3.      Don’t stop praying!
When there’s practically nothing we can do, we can pray for our brothers and sisters in Christ, like Paul did (Phil 1:3-11). What can we pray for, you ask? In Philippians, Paul starts by telling his recipients that he thanks God for them, specifically for the fact that they are united in Christ. Following that, he writes about serving Christ whether in life or death (Phil 1:19-20). Paul later speaks of contentment, likely to be referring to his ability to serve Christ no matter the circumstance (Phil 4:11-13).

The needs of the young adults in the church may vary but we can start by thanking God for them in our prayers and praying that no matter the season of life they are in, they will continue to serve and glorify Christ!