by Cassandra Chung

“You know X is gay, right?”
It has been seven years since I came to know of X’s sexuality. X—a non-believer— and I remain close friends to this day despite the fact that our lives have taken on completely different trajectories. While my university years were spent figuring out what it means to work out my salvation, X spent his university years exploring his sexuality and coming out of the closet to our mutual friends. I sometimes wonder how we’ve stayed friends for so long. What confounds me even more is that X, despite knowing my Christian stance on homosexuality, has no qualms confiding in me the number of men he has slept with and his relationship issues when he does decide to commit to someone.

And behold, a lawyer stood up to put him to the test, saying, “Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?” He said to him, “What is written in the Law? How do you read it?” And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbour as yourself.” (Luke 10: 25-27)

“Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” (1 Corinthians 6:9-10)

If I could summarise my biggest struggle in our friendship as X and I began to grow up, it would be figuring out how to juggle the command to love him as my neighbour (one of my closest friends in secondary school, in fact) and speaking the truth in love when the situation calls for it. I often find myself wondering if I am doing enough in holding out the hope that the gospel brings to all humanity. As I reflect on that, another part of me wonders if I am simply being insensitive in my responses to his relationship issues which may cause him to draw further away from me.

I don’t pretend to be an expert in knowing how to support someone with same sex attraction— in fact, I’m still constantly working out whether I’m doing it in the most God-glorifying way! However, having had this friendship for over a decade, I have figured out a little bit of how I can love people like X in a godly way:—

Imago dei
Occasionally, I re-listen to an excellent sermon on Genesis 1 that I heard in the neighbourhood church I attended during my university days. In a rather passionate manner, the Senior Minister exclaimed that the Bible doesn’t begin with “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” but rather, it begins with God, specifically the four words, “In the beginning, God…”. The point he was trying to make is that despite our sinful nature, ultimately, it is not sin that defines us. Rather, God has the final word in defining who we are:

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27)

Too often when we speak and/or counsel our homosexual peers, we subconsciously think that we are somehow “holier” than them and usually, this comes out in our tone of voice, whether or not we realise it. We are quick to forget that this community is equally as made in the image of God as we are, created to be in covenant relationship with Him as much as we are. In constantly reminding ourselves of this truth, we will be able to approach our conversations in love rather than condescension.

Listen & Learn
“Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” (Colossians 4:5-6)

Something I had to learn over the years was to sit down to listen to X as he aired his grievances stemming from his relationship issues with other men. This task remains very difficult because of the uncomfortable feelings that it invokes in me; the temptation has always been to zone out or chip in too soon, without being asked to. However, had I done so, I would not have acquainted myself with the feelings of isolation and the pain of discrimination that often characterizes this community. To be able to empathise is vital in guarding yourself in being unintentionally condescending and it will help you speak the truth in a
gracious way when the timing is right.

Another thing I continue to find helpful is reading the writings of Christians who struggle with same-sex attraction. Two speakers and/or authors I find particularly helpful are Wesley Hill and Sam Allberry, evangelical Christians who have made the decision to remain celibate because they are convinced by what the Bible has to say about homosexuality. Reading their writings continues to give me deeper insight into what homosexuals struggle with as a community and how to relate the gospel to them in a sensitive manner.

Pray
It’s interesting to note that just before Colossians 4:5-6, in verse 2, Paul exhorts the Colossians to “continue steadfastly in prayer”. Given that the previous verses
speak chiefly about how to live as a Christian, it seems logical to conclude that Paul is calling upon readers to pray that they be able to live such lives. Not only that, Paul also seems to be exhorting his readers to pray for wisdom in the way they relate to outsiders and not squander opportunities to preach the gospel to them.

So, pray. Pray that God will grant us the ability to wisely love our peers struggling with same-sex attraction, that we will be able to testify to Christ in godly living, that God will be able to “open to us a door for the word” to them, that we may be able to “make [the gospel] clear” for them.

From there, trust God to do the work He pleases to do in their hearts.